I managed to go to her talk yesterday in KL. So before I forget the essence of her talk, I'd blog about it first. (What I'm gonna write is based on my understanding, if there's a mistake in any of the points, I apologize in advance and pls correct me). Thanks.
1) Poor VS Rich
- When we face difficulties in life, we tend to turn to people/creation to release what we feel inside. But creations are like us, we are all poor. Everything that we own is from Allah and it's not ours. Allah can take back whatever is His. So, Allah is rich and we are poor. When we pray and make duaa, we are all like beggars actually (the hand in making dua - begging). So Allah is rich and we are poor. It's better to release what we feel to Allah and ask Allah for help than to relentlessly release what we feel inside to other people/creations.
Everyone has their own struggles in life, in many shapes and forms.
2) Sadness VS Despair/Hopelessness
- It's okay to feel sad when we have a problem. It's ok to cry. We're not robots.
BUT there's a difference between sadness and despair. Despair is similar to hopelessness. Whereas sadness is being sad but still hoping for an improved life and becoming a better person.
I used to train my heart to be a bullet proof organ to ensure that I only need to be positive and optimistic to face life. BUT i was DEFEATED right down to the ground. And i took a whole lot of time to recover and to pick up the broken pieces of my heart.
*not blaming anything/anyone, we all made mistakes. and things turned out like how they are now. it's also part of His plan, to train us to become better people and to worship Him more.
so, now, when im sad, i'll just cry. i cant pretend to be so strong or positive anymore. BUT i need to remind myself, i need to always remember Allah and slowly to be better each day. never lose hope. Believe and have hope that Allah is the Master of all plans and every one of His plan is the best for us.
We do not know but He knows best.
3) Our reaction/acceptance towards what we perceive as difficulties
-We might want something so badly or think that it's good for us, but Allah knows what's best for us.
An example given: A toddler watches his mother using a knife to cut up veges to cook, the toddler sees and wants to play with the knife. But the mother takes the knife away from him and scolds the toddler for wanting to play with the knife. The toddler throws a tantrum, resents, cries and mad at the mother.
Why? cos the toddler doesn't know but the mother knows the danger of the knife.
Maybe only when the toddler grows up to become an adult, then the toddler will know how to use the knife correctly without the danger. Or maybe there's another toy that the toddler will be better off with.
4) Test or Punishment?
-If the difficulties in life make you turn to Allah more, than it's not a punishment. It's Allah's way to save us. to remember to worship Him more.
The prescription for all: 1. Pray 2. Quran 3. Daily Duaa (she named it something else, cant remember)
All these 3 things are important to build the shelter whenever we need to seek refuge. In life, we never know when the next storm is going to hit us again. We need to equip ourselves with these 3-component prescription.
Remember: Shaytans are around to confuse us. They have vowed to lead us to the wrong path. So don't let them be our advisers and that's why we need to follow the prescription given.
6) Refuge - our protection
As mentioned above, our refuge is so important. We need to consistently maintain and build it. So that when we are tested or when calamities befallen upon us, we have the necessary shield and source to recover and not despair .
7) The strength of a believer
-The matter of a believer is that: everything that happens is good. No matter what it is, it is always good.
(This is hard, to me at least).
-A believer always believes that everything that happens has a hikmah and that Allah has arranged certain things for us to make us better. Sometimes, certain hardships in life make us finally come to our senses that no one can help us except Allah. 'Kun fayakuunnn'. If something is meant to happen and Allah has decided that it is our fate, nothing can change it.
A believer accepts and redha with whatever happens and seeks help from Allah.
Of course we need to work hard for what we want to achieve, but if all else fails, maybe that's what it is.
8) Nothing is ours except our iman
Everything we own is Allah's. So if something is taken away from you, it is not even yours at the first place.
If something is taken away, maybe we were meant to have it only for that period of time that Allah has planned for us.
But i believe in hope as well. I make duaa that if something or someone can make us both happy in this life and the life-after, please ease the way to achieve it. If not, maybe what has happened is the best.
- Sabr does not mean letting the oppression to continue and keep quiet. sabr also means that we act on it to stop any oppression that we see.
- As much as we want Allah to forgive ourselves, that is how we should forgive other people.
So, that's the recap on Ustadha Yasmin Mogahed's talk. I apologize again if I wrongly described anything.
Some of the points above may include some of my own words, here and there.
Tawakkal and pray for the best. Allah knows what is best for all of us.
Sadness. Tears. Tests. Challenges.
This life is temporary anyway. It gives me relief to remember that this life is only temporary.
Fate. Qada' and qadr.
"Calamities that bring us closer to Allah are better than something that drifts us away from Allah The Almighty".
We'll never know what is gonna happen in the future. Again. We'll just pray for the best for everyone.
There must be hikmah for everything that happened.
Faith. Trust. Allah. To keep me sane.
As I face difficulties in life, I try to remind myself that life can be pictured like a wheel. Sometimes we're on top, sometimes we're at the bottom. I find solace through little things in life and quotes that I find motivational to me. And of course by remembering Allah the Almighty, and to know that 'kun fayakun'. If things are meant to happen, they will happen eventually. And if something happens one day, it's how we deal and face the issue.
I cannot please everybody. I have to also be true to myself. I also try to teach myself to love the good values in others instead of looking at their weaknesses. This is because I'd like to know that other people can see the good things that i do for them instead of the weaknesses that I have. And also Allah has given me so many beautiful things, chances, nice people, family and friends in my life so far besides the sins that I have also committed. Knowing that no one is perfect, I strive to be positive and avoid any conflicts. I hate conflicts. Really. That's just not me. Unless I am triggered, then it is a sign that there is a line that I have drawn.
Alhamdulillah.. I have been blessed with amazing parents whom always want the best for me.
My mommy is my queen. She is so nurturing and so beautiful. My mommy had to endure the pregnancy of having twin babies in her tummy. That must have made her extra tired to move around and the recovery period must be more as well. Thank you mommy for bringing us into this world. We can't thank you enough. And thank you for always believing in me even when I had doubts in myself. One example is when I was in Intec doing AUSMAT, I kinda struggled in the beginning but with mom's trust and belief, I could finally do it. When i was sick, she would stay up and made sure my body temperature didn't spike.
My daddy is like a hero. My first hero. The second and third hero would now be my hubby and my son :P hihi. Daddy is someone whom always tries to reach for the moon. Nothing is impossible to him. Mediocre is not in his dictionary. It's either you do it your best or you don't do it at all.
He loves to sing as well. And I think i got that trait from him too. I love singing :P He has 4 princesses to pamper and yes, we are so manja! :P :P what to do! :P :P I still remember he was with us the whole time when we had to sit for SPM. My parents would be there for us when we needed them the most. Alhamdulillah.
I am not perfect. I sometimes make mistakes. I try to do the right things but I'm only human. I hope I am a good daughter to them and that they know that I love them. I hope my parents will forever live happily and are always blessed with good health, smiles and optimism.
I hope I'm a good wife and a good mother too. I am grateful to have a supportive and caring husband who is also my best friend. We almost share everything together. It's always like a honeymoon being with him. Of course there have been ups and downs. But I hope that we'll live happily ever after till Jannah. Amiin.. And our parents and family will be happy in thus life and the life after too. My mother in law has been a great help to us as well. She takes care of our son when we have to finish our thesis. It's a blessing to have all these people in my life. And again, alhamdulillah.
You are what you eat. I always try to eat healthy food in order to keep myelf healthy. Some of the things that I always try to do to keep fit are:
1) Whenever I feel like drinking pearl/ bubble milk tea from Chatime or any other shop, I always ask for 0% or 25% sugar. This allows me to drink without feeling so guilty and I can drink more often :P
2) Wait at least 20 minutes after eating before lying down on bed.
3) Try not to eat in big portion but smaller and more frequent.
4) Remove fatty parts from your meat. For example, i try my best not to eat chicken skin, beef or lamb fats. Except maybe KFC (i may eat 10% or 15% of the delicious crispy skin :P )
5) Try to drink green tea whenever possible like before going to sleep or once awake.
6) Work it! Doing house chores, cooking and running after Mikhael help me to keep fit as I am constantly on the move. :P
After the C-section I had when i gave birth, it was so hard to move around without pain. So, it was long before I could move around actively. And after around 6 months, I could be a bit more active and only after 1 year, I could be like how i used to be (moving around and running).
I gained 16 kgs in my third trimester and now Alhamdulillah I have lost the extra kgs and lost even more.
I feel like I constantly have to ask myself the intention before saying or doing some things. The word that I ask myself is, "your nawaitu (intention)?" before i do or say some things. Of course there are some things that i still obviously fail to do (religion aspect). But gradually i hope to improve.
Cleansing my own soul daily is an effort that i need to do. One of the steps is by the aforementioned question above. It usually works for me, when i ask myself what is your nawaitu before doing things.
I hope I'll always remember this.
It sounds so simple hey. But many falter as they let fear dominates them. That includes me. Sometimes I would like to analyze too much that it can lead to 'analysis paralysis'. It is good to be careful and plan ahead but too much of it will tire you out. I, for, example, want to know that things are in control and I can handle them better, especially things or aspects that I hold dearly in me. But of course fear will only make things harder than they actually are.
So, as for now, know which are controllable and which are not. One thing I can control is how I do in my thesis as I am the author, I do the analysis, I do the thinking (with a great supervision from my SV, Prof Ross) :D. I should know when I put in 100% effort in my thesis writing. So, Ja, it is really time for you to accelerate.
Fortunately, my MIL is coming to save us! :D My MIL is coming to take care of our darling, Mikhael, while we work our butts off in the university. My mom and my MIL take turns to come and visit us here in Brisbane so that we can focus on our thesis writing. Alhamdulillah..
Just at the spur of the moment, I remember vividly that when I was really young (like 4 or 5 years old), my parents asked me what my ambition was. And Ding! Ding Ding! I said, *drum rolls* "A fashion designer"! Bahahahahahaha! I wanna laugh my head off! At school, I tried to score in Arts Education (Pendidikan Seni) and often I scored badly no matter how much effort I put in. I have to admit that my drawing is just hmm, mediocre. hahaha! I could score in everything else and achieve all As but not Arts. hahahahaha! So, when life gives you lemon, you make lemonade.
But I do know that my interests also lie in things that involve marketing, business strategy and things like that. All in all, things which are fast-paced and not mundane which is a lot like how a business field is. Things change at a fast pace. You either take the lead or get left behind your competitors. Being a first mover gives you the extra competitive advantage to succeed in business. But the bottom line is whatever business I am in, I need to ensure my soul is kept happy by making sure that honesty and transparency are the main keys to lead in business. No hanky panky in a bad way. Just honest business. That is how I believe a business will sustain and it will not destroy your soul and eventually yourself.
Bye! back to thesis writing! wish me luck!
The motivation to do something stems from the reason on why we do it. If the reason is significant or strong enough, I realize that I will know that failure is not an option. A good reminder for myself is that I need to question myself and I need to be able to answer it in order to know that I am on the right track to achieve something.
1) Why do I do it?
- What are the benefits? Does it benefit me and other people?
For example, why I choose to advocate on certain things.
-To me, to be in the business line, I must know that it benefits the consumers. Money alone is not enough to drive me to go all out and achieve something.
-I need to know it serves a real purpose, such as: patients really gain from it. This was what I held on when I was the product specialist for cancer chemo drug in Eli Lilly. It went well and I left Eli Lilly with a good mark. I was always offered a job by head hunters and also one of the bosses who also left Eli Lilly contacted me personally to be in the new team. But I'm glad I chose to further my studies now than later.
-I MUST have a clean soul in order to succeed. This protects who I am and how I deal with others. And I feel at ease that with a clean heart, God's blessings are coming into my way.
I dig deep down to discover what works for me. The answer to that encompasses 'passion' and 'purpose'.
Once I get at least one of these factors into account, I feel more at ease to move forward.
I'm speaking in codes as I prefer that way. This blog also serves as a reminder to me in the future, especially in making decisions.
Grace with gusto. I believe ladies are graceful yet they are strong in their own ways. That is why I add the 'gusto' behind it.
No matter how soft a lady looks like, but when she puts her mind into something, she is going to bulldoze with gusto to achieve it. Or at least that is how I envision 'Grace with Gusto' means. Ladies do not have to lose their identity as the ones perceived as more 'graceful' to be successful in this fast-paced world. In order to strive, the 'gusto' is needed. Soft yet strong.
A bit paradoxical but it bears a true definition to me.
I am always a fan of using the word 'ladies' than 'women' as I find the former is regarded with more adoration than the latter.
So, ladies, high five! It doesn't matter if you're a student, a stay-at-home-mum, or a working mom, I adore you ladies! (men, i salute you too :P).
I just want to pour out what I think at the moment in my lovely blog.
It is something that I hope that can give me the extra support and strength in the future when i revisit my blog.