Decision making time. I wish I know the right decision to make.
But I am at a loss right now.
I do not know.
Sometimes I feel like starting a new life somewhere else
Away from my worries and fears
Or am I just running away from my problems
Ya Allah, please help me.
Please make the good things for me easy for me
Please help me to be strong
Please help the people in this problem to be strong as well.
Alhamdulillah for the rest of nikmat you have blessed me with, ya Allah.
Only to You, Allah, I can turn to.
TGIF. But there's an extra course I need to attend tomorrow.
This whole week is another different type of week. I lost my passport (erm, mine, my son's and my mom's passport). Thanks to me as I put them in the bag in my car and someone broke the car window and took the bag which also contained some Singapore dollar (around $SGD 150), another hand phone and the passports.
Lodged police report and also went to the immigration. The police officer (the Sarjan) that I met is very nice and he looked like he needed more rest. I would like to thank to the police team as sometimes their efforts go unnoticed as we do not always go to the police station. So, the experience that I have by going to the police station makes me feel like I have to express my gratitude to them.
HOPE. A four-letter word.
1 word but bears different meanings to everyone.
it acts as the only string of faith when doubts surround you.
The word that prevents you from being succumbed to despair.
Pray, Du'a. for that HOPE that you have.
The more I live in this world, the tinier i feel.
I don't know what lies ahead for me. A or B? or C?
But Allah knows.
That's when I'm reminded again and again to turn to Allah for all challenges that I face and to thank Allah for all the blessings.
But to also realize that one day I will die, just like everyone else.
All the sufferings, all the happiness in this world will finally and eventually come to an end.
So, there is a need to translate it to the life-after.
Siang berganti malam
Ada kalanya sang pelangi menjelma
Ada kalanya pula sang matahari terlalu terik memancarkan sinarnya
Walau apa pun yang terjadi
Masa akan terus berputar tanpa menunggu sesiapa
Ada kalanya terkapai-kapai mencari jawapan
Jawapan untuk kekalutan yang dilalui
Setiap keputusan yang dibuat memberi impak
Mungkin tiada jawapan yang terbaik
Setiap keadaan mengajar sesuatu yang baru
Oleh itu setiap langkah harus mengingati-Nya
Satu hari nanti
Tanah juga kepulangan kita
Oleh itu La Tahzan
Jangan bersedih wahai hati
Setiap yang terjadi ada hikmahnya
Jangan pernah menyalahkan takdir
Kerana lihatlah nikmatNya yang lebih besar kita dikurniai
Mungkin bukan sekarang
Mungkin di sana nanti
Kita tidak dapat mengawal semua yang terjadi
Cukuplah mengetahui bahawa setiap manusia diuji
Setiap ujian akan tamat
Dan setiap jawapan akan dihitung
Di situlah pengakhirannya.
I managed to go to her talk yesterday in KL. So before I forget the essence of her talk, I'd blog about it first. (What I'm gonna write is based on my understanding, if there's a mistake in any of the points, I apologize in advance and pls correct me). Thanks.
1) Poor VS Rich
- When we face difficulties in life, we tend to turn to people/creation to release what we feel inside. But creations are like us, we are all poor. Everything that we own is from Allah and it's not ours. Allah can take back whatever is His. So, Allah is rich and we are poor. When we pray and make duaa, we are all like beggars actually (the hand in making dua - begging). So Allah is rich and we are poor. It's better to release what we feel to Allah and ask Allah for help than to relentlessly release what we feel inside to other people/creations.
Everyone has their own struggles in life, in many shapes and forms.
2) Sadness VS Despair/Hopelessness
- It's okay to feel sad when we have a problem. It's ok to cry. We're not robots.
BUT there's a difference between sadness and despair. Despair is similar to hopelessness. Whereas sadness is being sad but still hoping for an improved life and becoming a better person.
I used to train my heart to be a bullet proof organ to ensure that I only need to be positive and optimistic to face life. BUT i was DEFEATED right down to the ground. And i took a whole lot of time to recover and to pick up the broken pieces of my heart.
*not blaming anything/anyone, we all made mistakes. and things turned out like how they are now. it's also part of His plan, to train us to become better people and to worship Him more.
so, now, when im sad, i'll just cry. i cant pretend to be so strong or positive anymore. BUT i need to remind myself, i need to always remember Allah and slowly to be better each day. never lose hope. Believe and have hope that Allah is the Master of all plans and every one of His plan is the best for us.
We do not know but He knows best.
3) Our reaction/acceptance towards what we perceive as difficulties
-We might want something so badly or think that it's good for us, but Allah knows what's best for us.
An example given: A toddler watches his mother using a knife to cut up veges to cook, the toddler sees and wants to play with the knife. But the mother takes the knife away from him and scolds the toddler for wanting to play with the knife. The toddler throws a tantrum, resents, cries and mad at the mother.
Why? cos the toddler doesn't know but the mother knows the danger of the knife.
Maybe only when the toddler grows up to become an adult, then the toddler will know how to use the knife correctly without the danger. Or maybe there's another toy that the toddler will be better off with.
4) Test or Punishment?
-If the difficulties in life make you turn to Allah more, than it's not a punishment. It's Allah's way to save us. to remember to worship Him more.
The prescription for all: 1. Pray 2. Quran 3. Daily Duaa (she named it something else, cant remember)
All these 3 things are important to build the shelter whenever we need to seek refuge. In life, we never know when the next storm is going to hit us again. We need to equip ourselves with these 3-component prescription.
Remember: Shaytans are around to confuse us. They have vowed to lead us to the wrong path. So don't let them be our advisers and that's why we need to follow the prescription given.
6) Refuge - our protection
As mentioned above, our refuge is so important. We need to consistently maintain and build it. So that when we are tested or when calamities befallen upon us, we have the necessary shield and source to recover and not despair .
7) The strength of a believer
-The matter of a believer is that: everything that happens is good. No matter what it is, it is always good.
(This is hard, to me at least).
-A believer always believes that everything that happens has a hikmah and that Allah has arranged certain things for us to make us better. Sometimes, certain hardships in life make us finally come to our senses that no one can help us except Allah. 'Kun fayakuunnn'. If something is meant to happen and Allah has decided that it is our fate, nothing can change it.
A believer accepts and redha with whatever happens and seeks help from Allah.
Of course we need to work hard for what we want to achieve, but if all else fails, maybe that's what it is.
8) Nothing is ours except our iman
Everything we own is Allah's. So if something is taken away from you, it is not even yours at the first place.
If something is taken away, maybe we were meant to have it only for that period of time that Allah has planned for us.
But i believe in hope as well. I make duaa that if something or someone can make us both happy in this life and the life-after, please ease the way to achieve it. If not, maybe what has happened is the best.
- Sabr does not mean letting the oppression to continue and keep quiet. sabr also means that we act on it to stop any oppression that we see.
- As much as we want Allah to forgive ourselves, that is how we should forgive other people.
So, that's the recap on Ustadha Yasmin Mogahed's talk. I apologize again if I wrongly described anything.
Some of the points above may include some of my own words, here and there.
Tawakkal and pray for the best. Allah knows what is best for all of us.
Sadness. Tears. Tests. Challenges.
This life is temporary anyway. It gives me relief to remember that this life is only temporary.
Fate. Qada' and qadr.
"Calamities that bring us closer to Allah are better than something that drifts us away from Allah The Almighty".
We'll never know what is gonna happen in the future. Again. We'll just pray for the best for everyone.
There must be hikmah for everything that happened.
Faith. Trust. Allah. To keep me sane.
As I face difficulties in life, I try to remind myself that life can be pictured like a wheel. Sometimes we're on top, sometimes we're at the bottom. I find solace through little things in life and quotes that I find motivational to me. And of course by remembering Allah the Almighty, and to know that 'kun fayakun'. If things are meant to happen, they will happen eventually. And if something happens one day, it's how we deal and face the issue.
I cannot please everybody. I have to also be true to myself. I also try to teach myself to love the good values in others instead of looking at their weaknesses. This is because I'd like to know that other people can see the good things that i do for them instead of the weaknesses that I have. And also Allah has given me so many beautiful things, chances, nice people, family and friends in my life so far besides the sins that I have also committed. Knowing that no one is perfect, I strive to be positive and avoid any conflicts. I hate conflicts. Really. That's just not me. Unless I am triggered, then it is a sign that there is a line that I have drawn.
Alhamdulillah.. I have been blessed with amazing parents whom always want the best for me.
My mommy is my queen. She is so nurturing and so beautiful. My mommy had to endure the pregnancy of having twin babies in her tummy. That must have made her extra tired to move around and the recovery period must be more as well. Thank you mommy for bringing us into this world. We can't thank you enough. And thank you for always believing in me even when I had doubts in myself. One example is when I was in Intec doing AUSMAT, I kinda struggled in the beginning but with mom's trust and belief, I could finally do it. When i was sick, she would stay up and made sure my body temperature didn't spike.
My daddy is like a hero. My first hero. The second and third hero would now be my hubby and my son :P hihi. Daddy is someone whom always tries to reach for the moon. Nothing is impossible to him. Mediocre is not in his dictionary. It's either you do it your best or you don't do it at all.
He loves to sing as well. And I think i got that trait from him too. I love singing :P He has 4 princesses to pamper and yes, we are so manja! :P :P what to do! :P :P I still remember he was with us the whole time when we had to sit for SPM. My parents would be there for us when we needed them the most. Alhamdulillah.
I am not perfect. I sometimes make mistakes. I try to do the right things but I'm only human. I hope I am a good daughter to them and that they know that I love them. I hope my parents will forever live happily and are always blessed with good health, smiles and optimism.
I hope I'm a good wife and a good mother too. I am grateful to have a supportive and caring husband who is also my best friend. We almost share everything together. It's always like a honeymoon being with him. Of course there have been ups and downs. But I hope that we'll live happily ever after till Jannah. Amiin.. And our parents and family will be happy in thus life and the life after too. My mother in law has been a great help to us as well. She takes care of our son when we have to finish our thesis. It's a blessing to have all these people in my life. And again, alhamdulillah.
You are what you eat. I always try to eat healthy food in order to keep myelf healthy. Some of the things that I always try to do to keep fit are:
1) Whenever I feel like drinking pearl/ bubble milk tea from Chatime or any other shop, I always ask for 0% or 25% sugar. This allows me to drink without feeling so guilty and I can drink more often :P
2) Wait at least 20 minutes after eating before lying down on bed.
3) Try not to eat in big portion but smaller and more frequent.
4) Remove fatty parts from your meat. For example, i try my best not to eat chicken skin, beef or lamb fats. Except maybe KFC (i may eat 10% or 15% of the delicious crispy skin :P )
5) Try to drink green tea whenever possible like before going to sleep or once awake.
6) Work it! Doing house chores, cooking and running after Mikhael help me to keep fit as I am constantly on the move. :P
After the C-section I had when i gave birth, it was so hard to move around without pain. So, it was long before I could move around actively. And after around 6 months, I could be a bit more active and only after 1 year, I could be like how i used to be (moving around and running).
I gained 16 kgs in my third trimester and now Alhamdulillah I have lost the extra kgs and lost even more.